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A dire warning
from Shipping Seven by Soma
I stole a laptop from a coffee shop earlier today. I'm posting this from my car outside a house on the outskirts of Coeur d'Alene on an unencrypted wifi connection. I'll be throwing the laptop in the nearest lake afterwards and driving back to Seattle before anybody notices that I'm gone.
I do this because I need to warn you - don't post Windows 7 screenshots on the Internet.
Sinofsky will find you.
You might be thinking at this point, "Bah, what's the worst that can happen?"
Remember the scene in Star Wars where Darth Vader chokes the other guy's throat with his mind? Think of that, but instead of throat, think testicles.
I've heard rumors of a guy who let his wife use his Windows 7 laptop for five minutes so that she could check her webmail. Nobody has seen him since. His name is still in the MS address book, his office number is still the same, his car is in its usual spot in the parking lot... but nobody has seen him for months.
Let me put it a different way: Not even Voldemort mentions Sinofsky by name.
Remember the scene in Hannibal where Hannibal Lecter makes Ray Liotta eat his own brains? From five rows back, I saw Sinofsky taking notes. And then he turned around and looked me straight in the eyes until I walked out. Involuntarily, I think. (By the way: Does Hannibal have a happy ending?)
[A note for the slow: This is all satire. I've never met Sinofsky. I'm sure he's a nice guy.]
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