From http://www.myspace.com/meattrademark:
September
1 - You're A Goth And She's A Punk And You Have To Name The Baby Day.
2 - Meatloaf's Baby Brother, Beancurd, Lives In Your Sock Drawer Day.
3 - The Aliens Came And Took Everyone Away Except You And Uwe Boll And He's Gonna Beat You Up Day.
4 - Your Aunt Is Very Angry With You And She Claims You Know Why Day.
5 - I Looked Under The Cushions For The Remote And It Wasn't There But You'll Look Again Anyway Because You Don't Trust My Abilities And That's Why I'll Smother You In Your Sleep And Frame Your Ex-Husband Day.
6 - Cough Loudly To Cover The Neighbors' Argument Again Day.
7 - Stare Into The Sun Because, Hey, What've You Got To Lose Day.
8 - She's Got Sclera Lenses So Her Eyes Look Like A Cat's Day.
9 - The Stain On Your Tie Is Exactly The Shape Of An Insult In Arabic Day.
10 - Satan Himself Backed Away From Your Spicy Barbecue Chicken, Briefly Day.
11 - All The People With Four Fingers Lock Hands With Five-Fingered People To Celebrate Velcro Day.
12 - He Only Has One Vowel In His Name Day.
13 - One Of Your Kids Ran Away, The Rest Are Faking It And Hiding In The Attic Day.
14 - He Tried To Guesstimate Pi And Failed Day.
15 - Wish On The Last Second Of A Bomb About To Detonate Because It's Lucky Day.
16 - You Know Twelve Women Named Maude And They All Hate The Tv Show "Maude" Day.
17 - The New Substitute Teacher Makes Your "Area" Feel Funny Day.
18 - The Last Flight To The Newly Terra-Formed Mars Leaves In Two Hours But You Still Haven't Gotten Over The Dissolution Of Your Favorite Band, Pop Will Eat Itself, So You Stay Behind Day.
19 - He Tells You His Favorite Movie Is "Made" And You Lie And Tell Him You Like It Too, Hoping He'll Eat You Out Day.
20 - The Shark Bite Wasn't Fatal And Your Spouse Lived Even Though You Already Started Spending The Insurance Money In Your Head Day.
21 - You'll See What Appears To Be A Cow Eating A Human Baby On The Side Of The Road Day.
22 - When The Tech Guy Asks If You've Read The Manual You'll Tell Him You Were Waiting For The Movie Day.
23 - She's Got Three Copies Of The Sandman 8 Comic So You Really Want To Fuck Her Day.
24 - Step On A Stranger's Toe Two Times While Maintaining It Was An Accident Both Times Eve.
25 - Step On A Stranger's Toe Two Times While Maintaining It Was An Accident Both Times Day.
26 - Get Angry And Call Your Dad A "Fag" And When He Starts Crying And Muttering About Not Telling Your Mom Go And Kill Your Gym Teacher, But Do It Quick Because The "Unstable" And "Mentally Anguished" Argument Will Probably Only Be Good For A Couple Hours Day.
27 - National "Sensory Awareness" Awareness Day.
28 - Pretend You Have Jaundice Day.
29 - Go To The Library And Ask If They Have Any Rare First-Editions Day.
30 - Belch The Constitution Day.
OCTOBER
1 - Adopt a Child for a Day Day
2 - Be Colorblind Day
3 - Why Would Jesus Do That? Day
4 - Don't Take No for an Answer From Those Stupid Motherfuckers Day
5 - Lose Your Left Arm in a Thresher Day
6 - Gloat about being the 144,000th Person in Heaven Day
7 - Only Speak in Anagrams Day
8 - Go "dit-dit-dit-dit-dit-dit" and Move in Slow Motion Like You Have Bionic Powers Day
9 - Abstain from Incest Day
10 - Yell "HEY! KOOL-AID!" Until That Giant Kool-Aid Pitcher Guy Pops Through a Wall Day
11 - Watch a Movie So Drunk That You Can Watch it Again Like it Was the First Time You'd Seen it Day
12 - Help an Unwed Mother Get Her Start Day
13 - Gay for Pay Day! (Star in a same sex porno today!)
14 - Say "See What You Made Me Do?!" After Every Action Day
15 - Stare into an Empty Sky and Yell "Jump! Jump!" Over and Over Day
16 - Pretend to be a Zombie and Kill Someone Day
17 - Reassure Strangers that You "Just Fell Down Some Stairs" and "He Didn't Beat Me Again" Even Though You Are without Injury Day
18 - Burn a Ventriloquist's Dummy and Piss on the Ashes Day
19 - Tell People It's Actually the 20th Day
20 - Get Sick and Tired of Being Treated Like a Caesarian Day
21 - Be a Guest Star on the TV Show "COPS" Day
22 - Go Off Your Meds Day
23 - Trust the Government Day
24 - Shit in Your Hand and Throw it at a Monkey Day
25 - Make Up Your Own Holiday and Judge and Shun All Who Fail to Celebrate It Day
26 - Be More Popular Than Jesus Day
27 - Go on a Hunger-Strike from 2 PM to 3 PM for "Whatever" Day
28 - When Someone Sneezes, Instead of Saying "Bless You," Say "Been There, Done That" Day
29 - International Pull-My-Finger to Replenish the Ozone Day
30 - Gang War to the Death Between Those Who Prefer Salad Dressing and Those Who Prefer Mayonnaise on Their Sandwiches Day
31 - Fake Christmas Day
November
1 - Put All Your Eggs In One Basket Day
2 - Overstay Your Welcome At A Friends House Day
3 - Roofies For Breakfast Day
4 - Dig Up The Body In Your Basement And **** It Day
5 - Call In To Work And Tell Them You Can't Work Today, But Go In Anyway And Don't Work Day
6 - Pretend Your Septum Is Deviated And Act All Cool Day
7 - Gerbil Day
8 - Give A Friend Named Nathan Martin A Dollar Day
9 - Blow Your Nose Into Your Hand And Ask A Stranger If It Looks "Funny" Day (Do The Quotation Thing With Your Fingers)
10 - No Food, Only Alcohol Day
11 - Extruded Plastic Dingus Day!!!!
12 - That Lump Is Probably Cancer Day
13 - Send Nude Photos Of Yourself To Someone Day
14 - Repeat What Anyone Says Day Repeat What Anyone Says Day
15 - Speak Fake Polish Day
16 - Only Masturbate Five Times Today Day
17 - When Someone Tells You Something Reply With "Well, You're The Doctor" Day
18 - Ponder Your Bellybutton For A While And Then Ponder Hers But Don't Get Caught Day
19 - Hide A Few Pieces Of Baloney In A Radio Shack Store Day
20 - Jaywalk Until You Get A Ticket Then Fight City Hall, Man, Day
21 - Take Off Your Shoes, Sit In A Treehouse And Learn To Play The Flute Day
22 - Pick Your Nose And Hide The Booger Under An Eyelid Because Nobody Would Look There For A Booger Day
23 - Carve Your Initials Into A Tree Then Cut Down The Tree As A Symbol Of Your Self-Loathing Day
24 - Make A Pile Of Satanic Mp3S And Burn Them In Protest Day
25 - Get A Degree In Pharmacology Day
26 - Misspell Cthulu Day
27 - Impersonate Michael Jackson But Don't Let The Parents Find Out Day
28 - Buy A Golden Globe Award Day
29 - Go Back In Time To 1930 And Kidnap Myrna Loy And Bring Her To The Present Day And Then Have Her Star In A Big Budget Remake Of Plan 9 From Outer Space Then Take Her Back So She Can Make All Those Thin Man Movies Day
30 - Pretend You're Deaf And Talk Real Loud Day
December
1 - Bartleby Day (When asked to do anything reply "I would prefer not to.")
2 - Pour Some Beer On Your Crotch For All The Dead Homies Who Were Also Bedwetters Day
3 - Break Into The House Of Someone You Hate, Like Barbra Streisand, And Type "Kiddie Porn" Into Her Google And Yahoo, Etc, And Then Tell The Cops That She Talks About Pedophilia All The Time Day
4 - Tell A Friend That Hates Cyndi Lauper That You Like Her Day
5 - Get It Straight Day
6 - Wonder About Wonder Bread Day
7 - Brag To Strangers About The Size Of Your Turds Day
8 - Lick The Back Of Someone's Neck Day
9 - Forgive Yourself For An Hour, Then Back To Self-Loathing Day
10 - Help An Old Lady Halfway Across The Street Day
11 - May Day
12 - Sing While You May Day
13 - Steal Something From A Loved One Day
14 - Have A Cow Day
15 - Give Directions To The Liquor Store Whenever You See A Sober Person Day
16 - Make A Face Until It Sticks Like That Day
17 - Phone It In Day
18 - When You See A New Mother, Ask Her If She Killed Someone Else To Keep The Population Stable Day
19 - Get "Felled" By An Anarchist's Bullet Thus Starting A War Day
20 - My Birthday Day! (hint hint)
21 - Hangover Day
22 - Spit On Anyone Wearing Blue Day
23 - Get "Water On The Brain" Day
24 - Vice-Presidents Day
25 - Fake Halloween Day
26 - Kick-Boxing Day
27 - Tell People What You Want For Next Christmas Day
28 - No Pork Except For Bacon Day
29 - Live Dangerously Day (Example: take the batteries out of your smoke detector)
30 - Buy A Piece Of Food Past The Expiration Date And Give It To A Hobo And Then Blog About How It Made You Feel Day
31 - Today Is Dedicated To Uranus Day (Tell people.)
January
1 - Remake The Movie Poltergeist Just To Kill Off Some Actors You Hate Day
2 - Use Snailmail For The Last Time Day
3 - Vodka Day!
4 - Decide To Always Vote $1 On The Price Is Right Day
5 - Look Up Your Old Best Friend From High School With The Intent Of Getting Back In Touch With Each Other Then Remember That Incident With All The Blood And Screaming And Think "Maybe Next Year" Day
6 - Throw A Weighted-Down Bag Of Kittens Into A Lake And Then Dive In And Save Them While Thinking "Great, What The Fuck Am I Supposed To Do With Nine Kittens" Day
7 - Look, Just Try To Be Normal Today You Fucking Freak Day
8 - Try To Have Sex With Anyone You Make Eye-Contact With Day
9 - Chop Off Part Of Your Body And Fry It Up To See If We Really Do Taste Like Pork Day
10 - Dig Half Of A Hole Day
11 - Tell A Stranger Reading A Newspaper "It's All 1974 Again, Eh" And When They Don't Get It Or Agree Walk Away Mumbling "Fuckin' Poseur" Day
12 - Pretend To Dip Your Piece Of Chocolate In Someone's Peanut Butter And Then Lecture Them About Sanitary Practices While Throwing The Pb And Chocolate Away Day
13 - Get On A Public Bus And Pull A Gun On The Driver Demanding To Be Let Off At The Next Stop Day
14 - Get On A Public Bus And Ask A Stranger To Read Your Palm And When They Shy Away Pull A Freshly Severed Chicken's Foot From Your Pocket And Insist That You Have Proper Payment Day
15 - Get On A Public Bus And Tell A Stranger That Your Secret Is You Ate A Lot Of Asparagus And Your Pee Smells Really Weird, Then Demand A Secret From Them And If They Decline Share Your Secret All Over Them Day
16 - Buy A Bible And When The Clerk Tries To Hand You The Receipt Yank Your Hand Back All Righteous-Like And Say "You're Not Gonna Get Me That Easily, Satanist" While Throwing Some Salt Over Your Shoulder Day
17 - Burn Down A Wal*Mart Day
18 - Use A Time Machine To Kill Kool And The Gang Before They Record That Fucking Song Celebration Day
19 - Ask Mommy Why Abel Didn't Just Come Back As A Zombie And Eat Cain's Brain Day
20 - Do Something Greasy Day
21 - Pick Up A "John" Or "Trick" And When You Get To A Private Place Sick Up All Over His "Junk" Day
22 - Pick A Fight With A Grizzly And Win Day
23 - Dorky Day (Read The Book The Fan Man For Instructions)
24 - One Month Anniversary Of Christmas Eve Day
25 - Spread An Internet Rumor That Cher Is Dead Day
26 - Try To Work In Pat Benatar References In All Conversations Day
27 - Sell A Baby On The Black Market Just To See If That Type Of Thing Really Happens Day
28 - Finally Pay October's Rent Day
29 - Love Is All You Need Day (No food, clothing, water or breathing allowed.)
30 - Illegally Download Some Metallica Because Lars Is Such A Prick Day
31 - Protest The Needless Slaughtering Of Unicorns Day
February
1 - When You Pee Your Pants Again Today Yell "My Water Broke" And Run Away Day
2 - Tell It Like It Is Day
3 - Watch The Simpsons, You Know, Just Out Of Habit, Not Because It's Still Funny Day
4 - Invent A New Racial Slur Day
5 - [censored by The Illuminati]
6 - Build An Ark And Try To Gather 2 Of Each Animal All The While Losing What Little Faith You Still Had In The Bible Day
7 - Go Off The Pill In Hopes That That Will Finally Get You Laid Day
8 - Look Into Your Heart With The Help Of A Surgeon And A Microcamera Day
9 - Learn The Letter "W" And The Number "5" Day
10 - Rewrite The Epic Poem Howl So It Begins "I Saw The Best Minds Of My Generation In Half With A Chainsaw..." Day
11 - '50'S Style Hepcat Lingo Day
12 - Finally Realize That Hitler Didn't Hate "The Juice" You Moron Day
13 - Go For Fivesies Day
14 - Suicide For Satan Day
15 - Get Mildly Drunk And Get A Temporary Tattoo Day
16 - Come To Terms With The Fact That "Keep The Homefires Burning" Didn't Mean Burn Your House Down Day
17 - Don't Bogart That Joint Chief Of Staff Day
18 - Best 4 Out Of 7 Deadly Sins Day
19 - Finish Every Sentence With "And You Can Quote Me On That" Because, Hell, Friends Are Overrated Day
20 - Shove Counterfeit Ones Into The G-Strings Of Ugly "Dancers" Day
21 - Today's New's Is Abuot The Qeen Of Switzerlind Day
22 - Sacrifice A Cow To Appease The Vegan Gods Before You Realize, Oh Shit, I Meant Pagan, Not Vegan Day
23 - Write A Best-Selling Kid's Book With Hidden References To Anarchism Day
24 - Stop Looking For Waldo Already Day
25 - Time Your So-Called "24-Hour" Deodorant And When It Fails At Hour 23 Sue The Shit Out Of The Manufacturer Day
26 - Think It's Safe To Go Back In The Water *or* Hear Someone In Space Scream Day (it's your call)
27 - Be John Malkovich For About 15 Minutes Day
28 - Go Into Your Kitchen, Check The Drawer And Find That There Is A Spoon Afterall Day
March
1 - Carve your initials into an old woman day
2 - Call someone a muggle and if they don't get it kick them in the kneecap and if they get it headbutt their nose day
3 - Decide not to be a creepy fuck and contact that sweet ex from a decade agobut then think, hey, they might have been waiting to hear from me and probably aren't married with children, so stalk them on the internet because, hey, they liked you then so why wouldn't they like you know day
4 - Schroedinger's Cat in the Hat day
5 - Bum a smoke, take it, drop it, stomp it, because smoking is bad day
6 - Eat Honey Nut Cheerios from the skull of a vanquished foe day
7 - Don't try anything new day
8 - One quarter year anniversary of December 8 day (aka: beautiful woman day)
9 - Dip the dangle down! day (it means sex)
10 - When a hobo asks for money pull out a dollar bill and give them half day
11 - Borrow something from your room-mate and when you break it, beat yourself up real good and tell them a story of being robbed and how you won but their thing got busted in the fisticuffs day
12 - Believe something impossible before lunch and after lunch debunk it and pity the poor, stupid fuck-knobs who believe such claptrap day
13 - C.H.U.D.U.D. (Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dweller Uprising Day)
14 - Wonder what Tom, Crow and Gypsy are up to these days day (just assume cambot is working for FOX NEWS)
15 - One breast is a tiny bit larger than the other and ain't nothing wrong with that day
16 - Convert a .gif into a .jpeg just because we're living in the fucking future and you can day
17 - Senior Skip Day (all old people have to skip to wherever they're going)
18 - Look sullen and quote The Cure and The Smiths all day today day
19 - Let an alien ram its ovipositer down your throat to lay its eggs in your belly only to have it burst out of your chest moments after your love turns down your marriage proposal day (won't they feel bad?)
20 - New Mexican Japanese New Year's day
21 - Dumpster diving day
22 - Play your 45's backwards to find the satanic messages day
23 - Second virginity day!
24 - It's a dilly of a pickle day
25 - Blow sunshine up someone's ass before pulling the rug out from under them day (aka: piss-poor metaphor day)
26 - Spooky Death Monkey vs. Allah cage match day
27 - Work on that palm-hair day
28 - Get drunker than Luke Skywalker on Father's Day day
29 - Happy fun stigmata finger-painting day
30 - Sell your pawn shop to a different pawn shop day
31 - Buy a sword and start a black metal band day
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